Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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