You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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