I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
