i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
