just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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