is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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