mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she told me i tasted like america
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
