That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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