he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
