make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
