I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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