She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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