i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
