Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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