but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
