If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
