I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
