Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
