I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
