Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
