It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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