Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
