Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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