Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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