I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
