Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Are we still banned from the library?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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