just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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