i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize