i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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