I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
