so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
