I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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