2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
