ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
