I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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