You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
