did you get engaged???
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
