Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
