I think i sorta joined a cult last night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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