Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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