If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
