So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i now understand why vodka
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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