Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
