Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
