Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
