This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
