I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
