you mean i was at the winter classic?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
