well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
