We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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