I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
