I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
