Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
