and my herpes radar will keep us safe
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize