she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
