I feel like abortions should bother me more
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
