I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
