My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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