Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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