...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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