carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Randomize
