I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize