fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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