I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
